The Price of Perfection - Lessons Learned by our Director of Community Relations Anne Gross

So what lessons have I learned from those moments in my past referenced in my last post?  Here are just a few:

1.        Sharing your vulnerabilities with others enhances compassion.  For example, if my mother and I could have shared her embarrassment when strangers stared at her when we went out, we both could have empathized with each other about our unique situation.  And if she could have shared with me how she yearned to be able to walk down the street with me eye to eye – instead of my pushing her in a wheelchair – I could have expressed my feelings of loss that I had a mother who couldn’t do the things that others mothers could, increasing tenderness both for myself and for my mother. 

2.        Intimacy derives from our ability to share both our strengths and our weaknesses.  My mother could never express her emotional and physical needs to others – such as what it was like when others left her do the things she couldn’t do.  Without a voice of her own, it was those closest to her who decided how she needed to deal with her disability, leading her to often feel misunderstood and angry.  To have a say in how we want to be treated we need to share both our strengths and our vulnerabilities.  

3.        It is important in the face of adversity to seek out others like yourself.  There is no better way to learn about yourself than to befriend others with similar struggles, helping you to realize that your feelings are “normal.”  This realization alone helps you deflate your sense of differentness and deficiency, making it easier to open up with others.

Most importantly, it is never too late to start such discussions with family members.  The next time your adult child visits, try talking to her about certain “taboo” topics in your family.  Who knows, it might open up lines of communication and intimacy that have long been buried.  

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